The Hobbit in Skyrim, Part 2: The Suprise Dinner Party, with free Cupcakes

So, after admiring the local real estate I decide to find something to do, I may have only got here yesterday but hey, a wood elf needs to be busy, so, where should I look. Should I go back to the tavern? I consider it but I don't think I could bring myself to face them again. Where else would be a good place to look? The local Mayor of course! Wait, are there any mayors in this land? Apparently so, although this mayor (or "Jarl") doesn't seem all that thrilled to be there.

So bored I hung some identical mudcrabs to the wall...

Turns out all she's got to offer is some crazy s*** about some scary stuff going down, or something. On my hasty way out I notice another guy poring over a map of Skyrim, ooh, maybe he's got something. YAY, a bounty! My financial woes are gone! Poof! All I have to do Is get there and kill them nasty bandits, should be easy, what with my paddingless rags and single iron dagger. So, bandit hunting I go!

Shoulda bought a fleece

As I walk slowly down the snowy path I start to feel awfully good about myself, I mean, honestly what kind of sweet, selfless gentleman would refuse to go out and destroy a presence that is causing fear and terror about the land for no cost whatsoever, besides, y'know, some gold. I am truly a blessing to this humble land.

May present to you, the hero of this story *drumroll* SMEEEEEAAAAAAGLE!

Could anything get any better? Turns out, it does,

AHHHHHHHHHHH, ITS ADOOOORABLE!

I have a new best friend, all I wish for is that i could take him with me on my, eeeerm, adventure? But I have a feeling I would be met with some hostility from the dogs actual owner. Anyway, lets move on, I am starting to get hungry so I think sow would be a perfect opportunity to have a picnic. Lets see what I have here... Ok, I have; 1 Deathbell, from the name I don't really want to eat that, 1 weird glowy plant which I somehow know is called a "Nirnroot", fairly sure when something is glowing you should probably avoid eating it, probably radioactive, 1 Pile of salt, still a bit soggy though so not really very appetising and, last but possibly not least, 1 swamp fungal pod mushroom. Actually, I am starting to have second thoughts about this picnic. But wait, what is the great Smeagle best at doing? Well, its probably being a masterthief, but besides that, catching FISH. Perfect. I dive into the lake and before i know it i am clutching a small, struggling fish. I take a bite out of it without hesitation.

Just ignore that thing in top-right corner...

Ahhh... Anyway, now that I'm satisfied, onwards! As I walk along I see something slowly come into view. A fort! I wonder if it's friendly. I sure am hungry!

Strafing like a boss

Ah, it would seem not. Unless those necromancers and skeletons are planning to throw me a suprise dinner party with free cupcakes, which would be a nice compliment to the lingering taste of sushi in my mouth. Unfortunately the rapidly decreasing red bar at the bottom of my vision tells me otherwise (still don't under stand how that happens). At least I have my trusty dagger by my side which glances almost hamlessly off the skeletons. Crap. I hastily decide to make a strategic reposition some way off in the other direction.

There is an arrow through my head, nuff said

Soon however I shamefully break into a full retreat. I apologize to those I have failed, although actually, its not like i have friends or parents or anyone unimportant and pointless like that to apologize to... *Cries Silently*

Its not retreating, its advancing in the opposite direction

Wait, who are they? I seem to have come across a patrol of four Stormcloaks! Yay, my financial woe these guys will save me. I saunter up to them, "hey there, officer". They suddenly all look at me in unison, in a way reminiscent of the tavern back in town the small hamlet I stayed at. They all seem very interested in telling me random facts about their lives. One of them told me about their dragon fighting cousin, another one was quite upset that- yeah, you guessed it:

Yep...

After this brief, one-sided conversation they suddenly draw their bows, PANIC MODE, PANIC MODE. I whiz around and catch sight of a group of Imperials heading this way, I  seem to be caught in the crossfire, oh dear... In the space of 2 seconds I make a split second decision (yeah, it takes me two seconds to make a split second decision) I run over to side with the larger, Imperial, group and hope for the best.

NEXT TIME: Smeagle gets caught in even more crossfire

The Hobbit in Skyrim, Part One: The Gay Bard and The Gullible Innkeeper

OK, I confess, this is going to be mostly pictures. So easy just to take crap-loads of pictures while out there, I may as well but them together and make a stopmotion video. However I will try not to put too many pictures in. So, without further ado.

I, the great Smeagle, arrive in the black of night in the small town of Marthal, wait, did I say town? I meant a collection of maybe 10 buildings.

And I mean, the black of night.

I jump out and start wandering around. What to do? I consider going straight into masterthief mode, but I notice my lack of lockpicks and give up on that idea immediately. Besides, I'm tired after the "Long Journey" and decided to head to a Tavern. I jump out of the boat and *blam*, I am magically flying through the air waving my arms like some kind of retarded pigeon who doesn't yet know how to properly fly, so I end up hovering while slowly flapping his "wings" (they are actually arms, but don't tell Smeagle that, he gets upset.) all the way down the docks.

*Cooo, Cooo*

I soon right myself and go to the tavern and talk to the lady behind the counter, one hot Redguard.
"I would like a room for the  knight". Sure my rags dont really portray me as a shiny oh-so-righteous knight but cant exactly pass up the opportunity to flirt and  make a clever pun at the same time. Unfortunately she doesn't seem to notice. What she does notice, however, was my lack of any kind of money. Great, now she thinks I am a dirty, worthless hobo, which, of course, I am. I take a seat and begin listening to the agonizingly talentless bard.

Is he looking at me funny?

I listen a bit longer...and a bit longer...

Definitely looking at me funny.

He then moves from the lute to the flute. I think he's hinting on something, adding an F to his instrument which he then puts into his mouth... Actually I think I may be over-analysing.

Well at least he's stopped looking at me creepily.

I have soon had enough and start wandering the tavern. I meander lazily into someone's room and immediately my thief instincts kick in. I am about the take the silverware but then I stop and think. I haven't got a fence (The stolen goods kind, not the super-glue and wood kind)! No stealing for me then, but wait! Is that a coin pouch I see sticking out from behind that dresser? I'l have that. Thirty five gold! Thats enough for three and a half night at the inn! My financial problems are SOLVED! I am not sure how the people of Skyrim know who's hat is who's but at least they don't care about stolen coins. I buy my self access to the room I just stole from to sleep for the night.

Oh I'l tell you what else I need *snicker*

When I wake up in the morning I decide to go for a walk. So yawning loudly I walk past the drumming bard an-wait, the bard? Is he still performing?

Oh crap, he's looking at me again!

Oh well. I walk out, away from the gay bard and the gullible innkeeper, maybe I'll be back when I have the Amulet of Mara and I will choose one of you. I go outside and, oh, instantly two kids are looking at me. Now I'm all for popularity but this is a bit weird.

Maybe when your older.

I jog off and take a dive into the lake. Luckily I know my clothes will dry the second I breach the surface. As I swim I come across two bowls of salt floating, aimlessly, in the lake. Mmmmm, salt. But wait, why is there salt  in the lake. A small voice in the back of my head tries desperately to remind me that I needed to clear my inventory of evidence of the tutorial but I ignore it and greedily snap them up.

0.1 Probably equals about 200 calories for young Smeagle here.

I continue my swim before getting bored and leaving. Seeing as this is my first time being here in daylight I decide to go sight seeing. However I find the buildings were seemingly all build by the same person who very much likes unnecessary steps. Why cant the door just be at floor level and save everyone a lot of time and effort.

<Sarcasm>Oooh, interesting houses</Sarcasm>

Soon bored, I decide to go and see if there is anything interesting I can do around town.


NEXT TIME: Smeagle finds out what it truly means to be caught in the crossfire.

I should have acted, its already here

Ok then. So I haven't been posting recently as I have been getting into modding Skyrim! Yay! So I am still going to try and post sometime with the beginning of my Skyrim story but don't expect me to be doing it as often as previously I was doing this because I was bored but now I have something to fill my time with properly I am forgetting to post. It seems I only have the ability to remember things when I am bored. Kinda annoying.
~Whadya mean kinda annoying
Wow, where did you come from
~More that just "Kinda Annoying" !!!!!!
Ok, Ok...
~How could you even SAY SUCH A THING!?!?
I'm sorry! Wait... Who even are you?
~*poof*

...

Well that was a bit weird... Anyway I may as well just outline my plan right now. Basically the rules are that if I die, no restarts, unless I was killed by a bug or something out of my control. No fast travelling, although I will go by carriage on occasion as that is not against the ALMIGHTY LAWS OF PHYSICS. Thirdly, no being a hero, I am not going to go against adventure but no being dovahkiin or similar. I could still go hunting or clear out a bandit cave for a bounty but nothing extraordinary. Lastly, I will use mods. S***loads of mods. I may even use some of my own creation if I would like to simulate doing something the game doesn't allow, like building your own house or raising a child. Anyway, I think that's enough for today.

PS I am doing simple grammar checks for Alex over at http://100cynicalreviews.blogspot.com/

A Fresh Start

So I have been unable to write for a few days and have been thinking about writing something a bit for specific. It will almost certainly be video game related as that it a passion of mine. I am considering doing a blog similar to PCGamer's "The Elder Strolls" with a NPC like character. Although if I do I will make it slightly less "anti-adventure" I currently have a hunter in mind to use. So, keep an eye on that. Or don't, alternatively.

The Apocalypse is nigh

So then, what to say today.

Apocalypse

Purrfect, The End of the World is something that people will always be interesting to people. What's really interesting though are the people who believe in it, I mean, who honestly thinks that a calender ending means the end of the world. My calender ends every year but if that meant the end of the world then that is one fuck-ton of cake. Wait, what were we talking about again? Oh yeah, apocalypse. I have a feeling I've already exhausted all my uses of "Apocolypse" and "End of the World"...

Errmm. Quickly, grab the Stegosaurus! I mean, the The-sourus, Rawrr! I think I may have gone a bit off track here... Exept wait, the world ended for the dinosaurs, didn't it? So it is relevant. Perhaps that is all that is going to happen. A big scary meaty-roar land on us and, POOF! No more us. And then perhaps in a few million years there will be a penguin with a remotely keyboard like machine tapping out something vaguely resembling a blog! Or then again, maybe not.

Pantomime 2012

Sorry, Non-existent viewers.

I didn't post anything yesterday as I was acting in a local pantomime. Cant claim to have been doing anything important though, standing in the background going YAY every now and then mostly covered what I did. Plus maybe a bit of singing and stuffle, tuffle, TRUFFLE!

...

Anyway, now I need to think of what to do... I didn't really think this through when i made this blog. And I have no idea how to publicise it or anything. Or even how to make it viewable on search engines. Actually, that's what I am gonna try and find out now, I BID YOU PEOPLE OF EQUESTRIA GOODNIGHT!

PS Apparently the XBOX 720 is going to be crap.http://www.pcgamer.com/2012/01/27/xbox-720-to-feature-radeon-hd6670/. Doesn't matter to me though PCGaming FTW

ACTA

Hail Fellow People
I realise that yesterday I didn't actually introduce myself so;
HELLO WORLD!
Tadaaaa, done. Anyway now I need something to actually talk about. I've gotta try and avoid and foodstuffs so that its a bit dissimilar from yesterday. How about COCKEDUP ACTA. Turns out SOPA and PIPA were just a distraction, as if ACTA said,
"Hey, little brother SOPA, do you mind going over to america for a while and distract everyone so that I can more discreetly ruin the internet over here. Oh, and bring your friend PIPA too, he could be usefull"
And we fell for it didn't we. It seems the internet is tired after dealing with SOPA (http://www.sopa.org.uk/) and decided to go to sleep, ignoring the looming threat of Angry Cats Tickling Aliens, or "ACTA"

Hello World

Ok... Hello
Turns out blogging isn't as easy is it looks. Inspiration... Carrots! I will write a post about carrots. Or perhaps a little story or something;
Once Upon A Time there was a young carrot, skipping around in a meadow. Suddenly a big bad farmer appeared and started swearing profanely,
"F*** S*** B******* A***" Said the angry farmer, after noticing the escapee. Irritated by the rudeness of the farmer the carrot pulled out a F*CKING huge laser and, cackling maniacally, shot the farmer 37 times in the knee. The farmer screamed and fell to his knees knee, He then pulled out a shard of bone from his burnt foot and started stabbing the carrot relentlessly. The Carrot died in agony, the farmer and his family died of carrot poisoning, the entire world fell victim to a super-virus and they all lived happily ever after...

Hmmm, reckon that was good enough