The Hobbit in Skyrim, Part One: The Gay Bard and The Gullible Innkeeper

OK, I confess, this is going to be mostly pictures. So easy just to take crap-loads of pictures while out there, I may as well but them together and make a stopmotion video. However I will try not to put too many pictures in. So, without further ado.

I, the great Smeagle, arrive in the black of night in the small town of Marthal, wait, did I say town? I meant a collection of maybe 10 buildings.

And I mean, the black of night.

I jump out and start wandering around. What to do? I consider going straight into masterthief mode, but I notice my lack of lockpicks and give up on that idea immediately. Besides, I'm tired after the "Long Journey" and decided to head to a Tavern. I jump out of the boat and *blam*, I am magically flying through the air waving my arms like some kind of retarded pigeon who doesn't yet know how to properly fly, so I end up hovering while slowly flapping his "wings" (they are actually arms, but don't tell Smeagle that, he gets upset.) all the way down the docks.

*Cooo, Cooo*

I soon right myself and go to the tavern and talk to the lady behind the counter, one hot Redguard.
"I would like a room for the  knight". Sure my rags dont really portray me as a shiny oh-so-righteous knight but cant exactly pass up the opportunity to flirt and  make a clever pun at the same time. Unfortunately she doesn't seem to notice. What she does notice, however, was my lack of any kind of money. Great, now she thinks I am a dirty, worthless hobo, which, of course, I am. I take a seat and begin listening to the agonizingly talentless bard.

Is he looking at me funny?

I listen a bit longer...and a bit longer...

Definitely looking at me funny.

He then moves from the lute to the flute. I think he's hinting on something, adding an F to his instrument which he then puts into his mouth... Actually I think I may be over-analysing.

Well at least he's stopped looking at me creepily.

I have soon had enough and start wandering the tavern. I meander lazily into someone's room and immediately my thief instincts kick in. I am about the take the silverware but then I stop and think. I haven't got a fence (The stolen goods kind, not the super-glue and wood kind)! No stealing for me then, but wait! Is that a coin pouch I see sticking out from behind that dresser? I'l have that. Thirty five gold! Thats enough for three and a half night at the inn! My financial problems are SOLVED! I am not sure how the people of Skyrim know who's hat is who's but at least they don't care about stolen coins. I buy my self access to the room I just stole from to sleep for the night.

Oh I'l tell you what else I need *snicker*

When I wake up in the morning I decide to go for a walk. So yawning loudly I walk past the drumming bard an-wait, the bard? Is he still performing?

Oh crap, he's looking at me again!

Oh well. I walk out, away from the gay bard and the gullible innkeeper, maybe I'll be back when I have the Amulet of Mara and I will choose one of you. I go outside and, oh, instantly two kids are looking at me. Now I'm all for popularity but this is a bit weird.

Maybe when your older.

I jog off and take a dive into the lake. Luckily I know my clothes will dry the second I breach the surface. As I swim I come across two bowls of salt floating, aimlessly, in the lake. Mmmmm, salt. But wait, why is there salt  in the lake. A small voice in the back of my head tries desperately to remind me that I needed to clear my inventory of evidence of the tutorial but I ignore it and greedily snap them up.

0.1 Probably equals about 200 calories for young Smeagle here.

I continue my swim before getting bored and leaving. Seeing as this is my first time being here in daylight I decide to go sight seeing. However I find the buildings were seemingly all build by the same person who very much likes unnecessary steps. Why cant the door just be at floor level and save everyone a lot of time and effort.

<Sarcasm>Oooh, interesting houses</Sarcasm>

Soon bored, I decide to go and see if there is anything interesting I can do around town.


NEXT TIME: Smeagle finds out what it truly means to be caught in the crossfire.